Thank you for sharing your version of the story. I think you have added some interesting details and made it more lively. However, I still think you could improve your writing by using some punctuation and capitalization. It would make your story easier to read and understand. For example, you could write something like this:
PC Richard was happy. Now his friend the milkman was happy, too. So was his daughter. “Happy birthday, PC Richard! Happy birthday to you!” said the milkman, giving him a carton of cream for his birthday tea. “How lovely!” said Mr Jones. It was just what he needed. They were all humans and not animals. They never were. It was the mechanic who said the milk float was fixed. “Hurry up, Sarah!” said the milkman to his daughter. It was so nice to see him again. The car was not badly broken, but nothing much. The mechanic said it just needed an oil change. His barber came to his house to take Mr Jones to his shop on the green to give him a hair cut for his birthday. He decided to go out to a cafe with the milkman, who was his old friend. They had a lot to catch up on and they enjoyed their coffee and cake. They laughed and reminisced about their past adventures and shared their hopes for the future. He felt happy and grateful for having such a good friend in his life. They also went for a ride on his milk float, which was fun and nostalgic. then it rained so King Edward said to PC Richard I will come and see you next year
Do you see the difference? Do you agree with me? Please let me know and I’ll try to