Carlos Correa, Nepean Canadians agree to 1 year, 17 million dollar contract

The Ottawa Nepean Canadians have reportedly signed one-legged shortstop Carlos Correa to a one-year, $17 million deal, insider Jon Heyman confirms.

The deal, first reported on by Twitter account @MLB_scoops, will carry the shortstop until the 2023-24 season. Interest from MLB teams on the shortstop was at an “all time low,” agent Scott Boras reports. “They wanted to pass him around like the Leafs pass the puck on the powerplay. Fuck all MLB teams!” he continues.

The former all-star shortstop got his leg amputated last fall, and no one seemingly noticed until the San Francisco Giants conducted a physical prior to finalizing a 13 year, 350 million dollar megadeal. “We ran an x-ray, and his leg was just fucking gone,” Pete Putila, San Francisco Giants general manager told media afterwards.

Correa seemed to have found one MLB candidate who didn’t care about his missing leg: Scott Boras’ New York Mets. But before they signed Correa to a massive 12 year, 315 million dollar deal, they conducted their own physical, where they realized it wasn’t just the leg missing. “His ear, man. It was just gone. How the fuck do you lose an ear? He’s not Jesus fucking Christ.” Scott Boras exclaimed to reporters after cancelling the deal last Tuesday.

There seemed to be no hope for Carlos, until he was approached by the Ottawa Nepean Canadians of the EBLO. They offered him all the money they could squeeze out of the Ottawa parents, and Carlos gladly agreed. The Canadians didn’t bother conducting a physical, as they didn’t have any money left to buy the equipment. The former 2x all-star and platinum glove winner hopes to re-grow his most important limb in the upcoming season.