In a startling surprise move, the United Nations has appointed longtime DC Metro Native Michael Audy Houle to the dual post of Chief Global Creative Officer and Secretary for Potentially Offensive References. His duties will include – but will not be limited to – the coordination and integration of the entire roster of member nations’ artistic, linguistic and cultural prefences into a cohesive whole.
According to Secretary Houle, “It’s a big job, but I’m certain that with the help of all our cooperating member nations, that we as a planet are up to the challenge. Our #1 Goal will be to not just respect – but to fully ingrate 100% of the cultural differences and nuances around the world since the Dawn of Time, and to do so without offending anyone, or making anyone feel “less than” by being overlook.
Secretary Houle’s compensation package has not yet been made public, a FOIA application has been submitted and is expected to be approved. Reliable sources have indicated that his salary alone is well into the mid-eight figures, with generous stock options and deferred retirement instruments that include major investments in questionable Chinese rare-earth metals mining operations, as well as various somewhat dubious energy companies in a number of former Communist-bloc countries.
When questioned about his rumoredvchoice of home office locations in London, Paris, Rome, Brussells Tokyo or Copenhagen, Houle simply replied, “I prefer Bladensburg.”
No word yet as to whether or not Mr. Houle will be permitted by the UN to continue serving his impressive and longstanding client list, developing award-winning marketing communications campaigns on their behalf. “I believe that if I simply work harder, faster, longer and smarter, I can do it all. Plenty of time to sleep in the Afterlife. Such as it is.”
His wife and dog could be reached for comment