Andrew Phillips
Published August 25, 2022
“Aahana Mittal is a bitch,” said everyone who ever met her. “She’s just so annoying.”
After numerous complaints (too many to count), local Tesla STEM Student, Aahana Mittal, is exposed for being the most annoying person to ever exist.
“I don’t get how anyone is friends with her,” student Eva Jain confides, after bravely coming out to share her experiences. “She’s just the worst.”
After closely studying Mittal, scientists have investigated the symptoms of being a bitch. If you 1) complain a lot, 2) sing badly, and 3) lay on your bed all day, you might be catching this deadly virus. This virus has been active for 15 years, but has recently reoccurred this year after the previous 2018 epidemic. Research for a cure is currently ongoing, as Mittal is too hostile, creating a volatile study environment.
“I’m just so scared,” Jain says. “I hope no one is ever affected by this ever again.”
Is this annoyingness contagious? Do the good citizens of Washington need to be concerned? Will this be the next COVID-19?
More on this to come.