The ex-president of the United States of America and the Overlord of the Russian people have been revealed to have had a secret child together out of wedlock. Trump, the mother of the child, is said to have deliberately avoided overturning the 2020 election results in order to take time off to have the child in secret. Sources say Putin released himself into Trump and fertilizing the now ex-president somewhere near the beginning of his campaign. While Donald Trump was in the middle of an intense fundraising tour, he began to experiences the difficulties of pregnancy and was faced with a difficult decision. Being affiliated with the Republican’s, Trump had no choice but to keep the baby and pull back from the race.
Trump’s campaign manager is said to have continued the campaign with the goal of losing and to keep up appearances that would help keep the pregnancy hidden. The natural magnetism of Trump’s persona proved to be too powerful and drastic measures needed to be taken. The Trump campaign team decided to take matters into their own hands and rigged the election in favor of the now president Joe Biden, who was slated to lose the election by a landslide says never wrong political analyst Joe Kyle. Multiple reports across the nation came out of voter fraud and ballot manipulation in favor of Joe Biden, particularly in Pro-Trump states, which were successfully framed as a democratic coup by the Trump campaign.
Whitehouse officials reported this morning that a suspicious package contained diapers and baby formula had arrived at Biden’s office addressed to Trump, with a noted written in Russian saying,
Looks like my special military operation in Ukraine is taking longer than expected. Negotiations are difficult because I do not speak Ukrainian and I will not be able to see you for at least next year. I will be busy with meetings all year so please do not call me. Make sure that Vladamir Jr is eating health and is not watching that brainwashing gay jew propaganda you call television and only watches Kerlim approved Fox News.
There you have it folks. That note – along with an explicit picture of Putin, nude, riding a horse with clamps on his nipples – had revealed the biggest scandal of this century. Both Putin and Trump have been unavailable for further questioning.