Bud was a golden retreiver from Iowa, Nebraska, and like most dogs his age, he’d been “swiping” for a good few weeks before landing on Lil Beans’s profile. A Polynesian Calico, Lil Beans, or Beans for short, was a breath of fresh butt, in an otherwise oversaturated pool of other dogs.
“I just remember thinking… This one’s gonna be different”, As Bud swiped left and sent a message, his heart was barking in his chest. To Bud’s credit, he was right about Beans being different, it just wasn’t the kind of different, that Bud wanted.
“I knew that people would never swipe on my profile if they knew I was a fish, So I googled “Gorgeous Cats” and I used one of those as my profile pic. Upon meeting Lil Beans, Bud was shocked. This audio was taken from the Starbucks CCTV cameras on Young and Adelaide, where they had originally planned to meet up.
Beans: “Hey Bud, over here”
Bud: “What the fu-
Beans: “WAIT, just before you finish. I just, I know it’s not what you were expecting… But it’s still me. I’m still Lil Beans.
Bud: “You’re a Fish!”
Beans: “Yes…. I’m a Fish”
Bud: “You’re a Fish?!”
Beans: “….”
Bud: “Nah dawg, nah….. DAWG! naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh, naaaaaaah, naaaaaaah…. A FISH!?”
Lil Beans will no be filing a civil suit against Bud for emotional damages. He is expected to be sentenced in the coming weeks, and will most likely have a bail set a no less than $5000.