On Thursday afternoon morning Spurs manager Antonio Conte allegedly threatened the life of the Burnley football club’s therapy hamster. The hamster has since been declared missing by Burnley’s management. A Burnley player who does not wish to be named, states that without the hamster he would no longer be able to grow his fingernails, “If they broke, that’s it you know, they broken for good, terrible in’nit!” Despite beating Burnley, Conte had apparent resent towards the defensive intentions of the game from Burnley’s standpoint.
When asked about the scandal this morning English striker Harry Kane appeared visibly shaken, before stating that the hamster was in fact “A Guinea Pig, it’s a Guinea Pig”.
Tottenham have been barred from European competitions until an answer has been found as to the whereabouts of the hamster. This comes days before the spurs are likely to seal a top for position with a win against Norwich City on the weekend. There will be a preliminary hearing on Thursday afternoon, as the club tries to salvage its European aspirations. Until then, the main priority for all parties is finding the hamster, reports suggest that authorities have already conducted a search of Kurt Zouma’s box of golf balls.