Putin Surrenders to Zelenskyy; Annexation of Russian Federation into Ukraine to Begin

On April 14th, 2022, the sheer might of Zelenskyy, his huge balls, and the heroic defense of the Ukrainian armed forces led to Vladimir Putin cracking down. In a statement to Russian media later that night, the President remarked, “Zelenskyy has such big balls that Ukraine is unbeatable. I regret all my life decisions and surrender.” Putin unconditionally surrendered to Ukraine, and now the Russian Federation’s territory will be incorporated into Ukraine. This comes shortly after the sinking of the Moskva, and the besieging of Moscow by Ukrainian tractor farmers. Cities like Mariupol drove back Russian forces, and President Zelenskyy led surprise ambush troops into Russian soil, taking key cities within days.

When Zelenskyy heard of the surrender, he said, “I mean, I’m not exactly surprised. This was inevitable.” Ukrainian generals marched into Moscow and took down the Russian flag, replacing it with the blue and yellow banner of Ukraine. Zelenskyy predicts annexing all of Russia’s territory will take months. World leaders praised Zelenskyy’s big balls and his might. Former President Barack Obama tweeted, “Good job, Zelenskyy. You’re pretty epic.”

President Biden, President Xi Jinping, and Kim Jong-un also issued statements praising Ukraine. Ukraine will become the largest country in the world by far after the annexation. Zelenskyy has received a Nobel Peace Prize for stopping Putin’s war machine. It is predicted that Zelenskyy will help to make Russia democratic and epic, and make the world a better place.