There has been a cloning facility found in New Hampshire. Police claim to have found many different identical clones of well-known people such as Lana Rhodes, ISHOWSPEED, Kai Cenat, Rick Ross, TUPAC, and many other people worldwide. We have interviewed a wide range of people who were said to have worked there, and say they were hired by the government to clone people. Workers preferably use dead people, since it is easy to find DNA samples.
Human reproductive cloning – producing a genetic copy of an existing person using somatic cell nuclear transfer – has never been done. Many scientists believe that it can never be safe. In opinion polls, , overwhelming majorities consistently reject its use. The U.S. has no federal law on human reproductive cloning, but several states, dozens of countries, and international agreements prohibit it.
Research cloning – producing cloned human embryos from which to derive embryonic stem cells (theoretically for customized medical treatment or research) – has been supplanted by techniques to derive pluripotent stem cells from somatic cells. Concerns raised by research cloning include its reliance on large numbers of women’s eggs (involving risks that are understudied and often downplayed), unrealistic claims about “personalized” therapies, and the need for effective oversight to prevent rogue use of cloned embryos for reproductive human cloning.
The Bucknellian’s bombshell investigation into undercover students who operate as scientists has led to the discovery of a human cloning facility in the basement of the Rooke Science Center. After a three-year inspection across multiple student groups, the secret door to this facility was opened by entering the password to the popular Instagram account @bucknellmemes4amishteens.
When our investigative reporters unlocked the door, they found one lone student, who chose to only identify himself as “Jeff” during the brief interview, inside the facility. He cited increasing pressure to perform well in his incredibly demanding residential college discussion dinner as the reason for the clones. So far, he has only successfully cloned himself.
“I wanted to try and look good for the discussions,” Jeff said. “Sucking up to professors is hard these days, you know? It’s like, you actually have to be well-rounded and amicable to get on your prof’s good side. Cloning myself was the only way for me to learn enough to get a word in edgewise at the dinner table.”
Jeff explained that this weekly quarter-credit class is the most stressful class he’s ever taken.
“You know how hard it is to share your thoughts without raising your hand?” he exclaimed.
After being asked whether he’d expand the cloning technology to students other than himself, Jeff hesitated.
“No. I have no idea how I actually made this work, and it’s the only way that I’ll be able to get some money after I graduate here,” Jeff said. “I’ve spent three years researching how to 3D-print my avant-garde artwork onto butter. I know, as a visual arts and butter dynamics double major, I’m going to be a starving artist by next year.”
After The Bucknellian left, the only thing heard from the lab was a 10-hour loop of “Baby Shark” and faint sobbing.