Tom Holland Found Dead Stuffed in Toilet

Tom Holland has been found dead in his toilet. His head was stuffed into the bowl, and even worse: someone had taken a dump inside it when his head was stuffed in, which ruined his hair (although critics say his do looked like a woolly mammoth carcass on crack anyways). Zendaya has been identified with extreme depression. “We lied. We lied to everyone.” Zendaya said. “We were always dating. We even made out with a spaghetti noodle. I loved him… and now there’s a big crap in his hair.” We know the most recent Spiderman movie had a cliffhanger at the end, but the next one won’t be nearly as good without Tom. The next one, called “Spiderman Watches Paint Dry” will be 7 hours long, directed by Uwe Boll, and Spiderman will be played by Justin Bieber. “I am so excited to be in such a legendary movie!” Bieber says. “I will make it even more legendary because Tom Holland, not going to lie, was a horrible actor anyways.” We are all just as disappointed as you readers.