LOCAL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND DIANA TOEBBE HAS BEEN BRUTALLY FUCKED BY KEVIN

Authorities say Diana Toebbe, who has a top-secret clearance, “has been maniacally fucked by Kevin Guberman, and has been illegally fucked on a nuclear level defined by the Atomic Energy Act. In other news 12 Key school students have been captured by Jake “i like” Childs the witting assistance of his spouse, Diana Toebbe,” according to a criminal complaint filed in West Virginia and unsealed Sunday.