John Oliver killed by Pelican

At approximately 8’O clock yesterday, John Oliver was found dead, floating in a bayou in northern Louisiana. Security footage determined he had obtained a corndog from a restaurant on a pier near New Orleans, which he used to taunt a pelican nearby. The pelican pulled him into the water and held him under, drowning him. His body was carried north by a series of alligators. He was dragged ashore by a farmer from a swamp in the wilderness of Union Parish, Louisiana. He is survived by his pet tarantula, Betty.