Nick Sforza of Alpharetta GA has been named Georgia’s Super Virgin. The award was created in 1989 but officials have “been waiting for the right someone” before naming the first recipient. Nick Sforza is a 5 ft 3 inch tall half Korean half Italian 20 year old who goes to the University of Georgia. Mr. Sforza mostly likes to spend his time alone, watching MMA highlights and studying relentlessly for his marketing degree. He plans on working in the business field and hopes he can eventually make a salary “in the low six figures” before he dies of dwarfism. Those who know Nick were surprised to learn of his major since he is not known for his creativity, original thought, or personality. It seems Nick thinks he can be like his father, somewhat of a mentor to Nick who has encouraged him not to “let his lack of height” stop him from getting what he wants.
The committee named Nick Sforza Georgia’s Super Virgin because of his “substantial lack of height, personality, and intelligence” as well as his commitment to “appear homosexually curious” while simultaneously proclaiming his racist views towards blacks and homophobia of gay men. The committee claimed to have never met someone with such “intense” height, personality, and intelligence disparities.
It is expected that Mr. Sforza will remain a virgin for the forceable future, continuing to blame his SHORTcomings on the COVID-19 Pandemic.