Aliens Mysteriously Appear in California, Experts Say

It’s the new hot topic: Aliens are evading California. What was once a meme and myth soon became reality for some affected Californians. Join us today at Channel 46 News where we discuss today’s hot topics.

“It was a complete, complete mystery,” Ivana Eetyu said,” weird green, yellow, you-name-it tall blobs just… came.” What seemed to be an ordinary day changed quickly once these weird blobs seemed to be… “spawning.” Experts say the aliens might never leave. Sandy Eggo may be the new Alien Eggo! Local residents of Sandy Eggo claim to have been harassed by these tall blobs. “They would do a.. ding- deeng- dong ding… *have u ever had a dream* ding dong ditch, is what the kids called it these days… oh dose darn keeds” Trumpet Doneld rasped. Doneld said the blobs would move at the light of speed; teleport even. There was no escaping the wrath of the Green Blobs.

“The worst thing was the UFOs… By far the worst. It’d come with a loud wooshing noise and make you fall asleep. I once fell asleep on one of these aliens, I woke up with a hard, jelly-goopy noodle arm SLAP, and boy did that hurt, I woke up in no hesitant just to see a green noodle alien run away as fast as one can dissect an organ!” Butt Hertz described to us. It was a living nightmare for these residents. “Sometimes, I have nightmares about aliens – oh wait, they aren’t nightmares,” Doneld said his memory wasn’t great, he described it as a shriveled camel on Mars in the Earth. And the worst part of the aliens mysteriously appearing is that… “They steal your food! I’m telling you, they’re absolutely crazy! I had a leg in the freezer and the next thing you know, some alien comes and rawrnonmnmnrawr’s your food!” Unitash Ower.

So how do these Sandy Eggo residents deal with the pains of these mysterious aliens? And why is the population dropping?
“Sometimes we sacrifice others so we can eat. We need food. Better them than me, right, heh, yeah. We’d sacrifice one so we can have at most, an hour without the aliens, they go back into their UFO, and they’re gone until the deal runs out. The sacrificed one might survive, otherwise, they’ll probably explode due to the toxic milk in the Galaxy. That’s just how it goes..” Present resident Issa Clowen told us. “Sometimes you see floating organs from the sky.”
However, Uwoo Annie claims that friends are worth more. “I wouldn’t sacrifice any of them, uwu, I would sacrifice myself instead of one of the aliens, uwu, even!! Ayaya!” Uwoo Annie continued to uwu her way out of the studio.

Another resident, Yua Pooe, claims that you must fight back. Pooe told us, “There’s no way of getting rid of them, you- you have to get an old machete and CHOP, their green jelly heads. If you’re lucky they will already have been ‘oofed’ and you can eat the rest of the body. My great uncle’s grandma’s niece’s dad’s mom’s great-dad-uncle’s daughter’s great-grandma taught me how to do that.”

Will there ever be a solution? Or will they keep spawning? Multiple residents claim they must adapt. Alien expert key superintendent the third, Imah Xpurt, feels it will never be the same.
Trumpet Doneld said “it’s a new normal, dog darn it” and exclaimed his anger about 2020 phones. “The boxes were better I tell ya!”

Thanks for listening, this is Jess Ica reporting to you with Ya Ra presenting. We’ll see you next time at…
CHANNEL 46 NEWWWWWWS *oh ya*