Young runaway and psychopathic schoolgirl Anya Sokero has been recently discovered hiding in the woods near a local lake. There is no evidence anywhere of her massive frog army, who she claims have abandoned her and took off in a spaceship. This little girl cannot fool us, and we will continue searching. But what she has done in barely 23 days is astonishing – she has built an army of wolves. We are outside of her kingdom right now, and she has agreed to be interviewed. Let’s go in!
Amy (reporter): So Mrs. Sokero, how did you manage to create a wolf army? I mean, this is really crazy, it’s like you can speak to animals!
Anya: What? Of course I can! Ugh.
Amy: Oh, um, okay little one. Can you show us your little army here?
Anya: SHUT UP AND STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!
Amy: …you ARE a child.
Carol: This is Carol from channel 46 news! Reporter Amy White was recently killed by a crazy little girl’s army of wolves. This is tragic. More updates coming soon.