BREAKING: Anthony Santiago Pleads Guilty To 30 counts Of Not Doing The Stats

Meadville resident Anthony Santiago, 16, has pleaded guilty to 30 counts of not doing his stats. In an interview with the father of every person in Arkansas, a close friend of Mr. Santiago, he said “He has done as many stats assignments as dollars I’ve paid in child support, 0.” Mr. Santiago’s lawyer, Tevita Tuliʻakiʻono Tuipulotu Mosese Vaʻhae Fehoko Faletau Vea, was unavailable for comment. The judge, Babatunde Oluwasegun Temitope Oluwakorede Adisa Oshinowo Jr. said in an interview with Channel 46’s own Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques, “His guilty plea may get him parole, but the electric chair hasn’t been ruled out yet.” Mr. Santiago’s statistics teacher was unavailable for comment. Mr. Santiago has said he may hope to not face jail time due to an unhealthy exposure to Claytard, carrier of the disease Claytardicitis, which causes severe laziness. Claytard was available for comment, but our own Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques refused to go within 2 miles of him. The prosecuting attorney Prapawadee Jaroenrattanatarakoon said in an interview that she understood potential exposure to Claytardicitis and she was willing to agree to that plea if it could be confirmed by leading Claytardicitis expert Pierre-Luc Letourneau Leblond. When we reached out to Mr. Radnich, another teacher of Mr. Santiago’s, he was missing, as he was every other day of the week. An anonymous person has confirmed they sent Mr. Santiago their stats, but refused to give a name. Mr. Santiago’s attorney Tevita Tuliʻakiʻono Tuipulotu Mosese Vaʻhae Fehoko Faletau Vea is expected to hold a press conference at 4:52 AM EST on March 15, 2021.