IA student Elisha Kurikose is Under Investegaiton – for selling Cociane – by The CIA

Recently a student at IA in Troy, Michigan has been caught by the CIA. I’m sure you heard of it by now, but his name is Elisha Kurikose, or Eli for short. We have sources telling us that the Federal Bureau of Investigation isn’t investigating this issue, but the CIA is. We received information from clients informing us that he has sold 500k grams this year alone. That’s right – this year alone. It seems like we have a new El Chapo, and the city of Troy is devastated. Eli’s mother told us she’s devestated. “I can’t believe he didn’t become an Indian scammer” she told out reporters. “I wanted him to steal Americans credit card information” she said before breaking down im tears. This is a sad day in Troy – but we must move on. New updates will be released soon.