Voldemort threatens to attack all people with glasses in search of revenge for his death. The only protection is to wear tinfoil and eat pistachio ice cream. He may only cease this attack if given a nose. Save the world… help a man out… just give him a nose. ~ Rita Skeeter (former) writer for the Daily Prophet
(we will not be held accountable for anyone being arrested for wearing tinfoil or being burnt like a baked potato. Also, refrain from stealing all of the pistachio Ice Cream. Be a good citizen don’t take it all.)
Peace out muggles. Stay lame and stay safe
Now, I know this looks fake. Oh, I know. I didn’t believe it at first either! But here’s the real breaking news: Wizards…Are real. and you know what that means. muggles, please stay inside if you wear glasses! You are in danger!
Best Wishes, Editor of the New York Times Newspaper