Lisandro Alvarado found dead in apartment

14 year old teenager Lisandro Alvarado was found dead in his apartment, according to authorities at around 2:15am Sunday morning. His death is believed to have been caused by an overdose of heroine, coke, mary jane, meth, and cocaine.

“He was a fat bitch”, said his eldest sister to our reporters. “He loved to eat, we think he thought the drugs on the sidewalk left outside by a homeless man outside his apartment complex was mayonnaise, therefore chomping down and going to town on it”.

We emailed his school, asking if they wanted to give any information to us. Their reply, “Hey Suzy, this is Principal Mike Oxlong, I appreciate you emailed me.
Lisandro ate the whole cafeteria, we lost 3 of our best lunch ladies during that tragedy. We didn’t really like him. That’s all i have to say. Thanks Suzy. 😘😘↕️🍆💦”

A funeral has not yet been planned, however famous celebrity and actor Will Smith tweeted his condolences. No further updates.