How Bacon is made

Bacon is now processed and even precooked in factories. It all starts with a load of skinned dog carcasses. Most factories elect to use dogs because it’s cheaper than pork and customers can really taste the difference. The meters place skin side down on a conveyor belt to ensure the employees judge it only by the content of its character. The conveyor takes the meat to a cheese rolling machine which pelt it as slices of Kraft singles. This process is rough on the meat, so it’s not uncommon for some after birth to be evacuated by the product. This after birth travels down a separate conveyor belt where it will then be used in cosmetics. Meanwhile the meat pieces are bathed in saltwater and they’re sent to employees to begin the brining process, giving the bacon it’s signature fishy taste. You thought I was kidding about the brining didn’t you. Well, the next actual step is brining. Then the brine solution is mixed with red food coloring to give the big and its signature red taste. The meat nail passes under… Oh wow, I don’t know what this is but it’s nasty. Then a local Sweatshop worker earns his $2 an hour salary by putting hooks into the meat and then hanging them on a rack. Then it’s into the trench cabinet for a bath in what remains of the employees who rally for better working conditions. The meat is then transferred to the show floor where customers can choose which bacon slab they want to wear for this coming fall season. The meat is sealed away in case any of it is still screaming. That would turn into a storage locker for the next 10 to a hundred years. This aging process firms up the meat and helps unlock its hidden flavors. Then the bacon is shown the might of the German Army by being run over by a Panzerkampfwagon four medium tank. The factory crew often relieve stress by playing a game of Jenga with the slabs of meat. This game is a particularly close one so they’re wrapping it up for later. As you can see if the crew really loves Jenga workers then load the meat into chutes. Just off-camera, two very strong men jussle the chutes back and forth with all their might. They do this because meat is a good source of protein. The meat hates this and falls apart under the stress into the strips we’ve come to know and love.