In a stunning revelation from Janet & Tito Jackson today in a TED talk on the impacts of megastardom to the mental wellbeing of celebrities, the Michael Jackson siblings revealed that their brother faked his death in 2009 in order to escape the endless media frenzy and paparazzi that were forever camped outside of his home.
Before the exclamations of disbelief from the audience had even begun to die down, the man himself joined his siblings on stage – Michael Jackson – in the flesh, confirming beyond all doubt that he was indeed alive and well.
Michael gave a short speech in which he apologized for the hurt he had caused his loyal fans, before leaping off the stage and into the audience where he grabbed a small boy and began to feverishly molest him lel.